I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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