Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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