so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
