Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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