You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
