you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
