the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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