His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
