So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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