So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
