sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
