i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
