After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
