It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize