Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
