I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
