Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
