Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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