OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
