Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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