So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
