okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
