i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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