So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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