I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
