haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
