I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
