Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
