We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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