They should really pass out barf bags in church
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
