I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize