I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
