Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
