Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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