Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
