Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish you could order shots online.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
