What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
