you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
