it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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