the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
