I faked an abortion last night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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