yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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