We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
