I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
