Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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