margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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