I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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