In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Too much gin, very little bucket
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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