I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
