My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
even my farts smell like vagina
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
