I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
