It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
