put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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