took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
