Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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