my sisters under your porch take her home
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize