Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
