i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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