i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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