Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
