well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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