He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
