Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
