You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
