Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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