why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
