woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
