Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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