it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
