"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize