Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
