Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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