i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
