I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
