I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
