he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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