great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
