I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
