did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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