apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
