Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
