I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
