saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
