I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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