Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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