I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
