Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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