Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
