i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
