Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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