I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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