Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
