He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
