Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
