he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He better not be in your backpack
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
