I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize