so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
