And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
